You know, I have a bunch of traditions surrounding various Atlanta area BMX events. For instance, I can't go to Athens without losing money. For Factory contests its accidents. No matter how early I leave my house I always get to the park later than I expected because somebody decided to perform the old "unstoppable object vs. immovable object" physics experiement on the greater Atlanta highways and byways. Thank you idiots who closed down the intersection of Sugarloaf Parkway and Highway 120, thus making it take 30 minutes for me to travel the SIX MILES from my house to I-85.
Of course when I finally did get on 85 it was pretty smooth sailing until
I saw the sign promising construction on 85 south of the airport. Great.
Of course for all of the giant signs warning me of my impending doom there
was one closed lane for about half a block. Nice. Around this time I was
passed by a silver Mazda Protege5 travelling at mach 8. I noticed the bike
in side and said to The Mrs. "Hey, that's Mike Vallely Jason
Williams." "The big, White guy with the bald head and the camera."
"Oh, right, right." So I followed Jason all the way to Factory,
giving him a couple car lengths because, you know, if there were cops he'd
get a ticket and I'd sail by.
When we got to the park I met Jason's lovely fiance and he met my lovely wife and we talked about how cold it is relative to how cold it is up north (Jason grew up an hour and a half from The Mrs.and we'd all been back to the area in the last month) and Kim Malick (who is quite lovely) pulled up in a ginormous green Tundra (which, I guess isn't really any more ginormous that my father's hugiferous purple Tundra) and Barry made fun of my bling. Oh yes, I'd warned you. A gold (bicycle) chain and a gold 18 tooth Profile nano-drive front sprocket. Oh yeah, who was big pimpin'? I was. Did I mention the 51Fifty lid? Oh no I didn't. But I did. Sean Diesel asked me if I'd actually taken the sprocket and chain to get gilded. "Only if by 'took it to get gilded' you mean 'bought a can of gold Rust-O-Leum.'" We also met Sean's lovely girlfriend. This was turning into a veritable festival of loveliness.
Also, seriously, who says "gilded"? Dude, just because you're an English major doesn't mean you have to speak in Shakespearean language.
Anyway, Barry Mallick (or as he is known around these parts "Mick's
Dad" or "MD" maybe "Doc") busted out with a video
camera that I think he stole from the 11 Alive production department. Good
Lord that thing was pro looking. Mick's Mom ("Double M"? "M
Squared" "M to that M"? "M to the Power of Two"?)
then looked at The Mrs. and said, "The new toy, watch out he'll want
one next." Which is true, I do want one. But not as much as I want
a supercharger for my chick car manly man whip. MD and MM were accompanied
by a woman who's relation to them and name I never quite gleamed (but who
was, I assure you, quite lovely). Somehow or another the conversation turned
from my bling and MD's camera to me giving table dances. Not in front of
the children, dear, I'm not a complete cad. Also I hope you've got a fistfull
of dollars, I ain't cheap.
All of this is to say, I don't know why I'm wasting all my energy on this exposition when all you want to see is pictures of your friends and words mocking them.